What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne?
A waiter.

What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer?
Retired.

What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch?
A fisherman.

Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment?
They haven’t got any openers .

What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies?
Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.

What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with  Michael Jackson?
They both wore gloves for no apparent  reason.

Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone on the Australian cricket team?
The  woman who irons their cricket whites.

What’s the height of optimism?
An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
A vacant lot.

What’s the difference between an Aussie batsman and a  Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you’ll miss them both

What’s the difference between Michael Clarke and a funeral  director?
A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes